Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
