By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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