Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
