she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
