So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
