I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
