I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
