Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
