have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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