You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
