I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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