i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
4 words: hood of his car
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
