Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
