She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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