apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize