you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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