How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
