Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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