Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
