someone owes me an orgasm
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
