this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
