I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
