god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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