whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He felt like a one man threesome
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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