I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
