I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
