you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
