i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
