if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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