I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
