just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
