apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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