called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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