I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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