Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
