you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
