The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize