I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
