you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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