remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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