her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
