bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
