I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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