there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
