the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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