so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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