I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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