god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
