Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
