I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
