Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize