I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
