If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
