Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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