Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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