Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
