hotel room ftw
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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