well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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