you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
