Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
