the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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