I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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