I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize