I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
