Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
