I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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