i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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