so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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