Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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