He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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