she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
