I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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