Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
