just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
