Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
