So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
