yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
