I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
