He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
