erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
