After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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