she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
